As time went on, I realized that white liner was no longer my friend due to the fact that I "look like I have chalk on my lashes". The jokes got pretty lame after a while. I guess I couldn't blame anyone for not being able to resist teasing me. When you combine candy store lip gloss with white eyeliner you get a recipe for disaster. So, I guess I had it coming. It was an easy fix, though. Once I was in high school, girls only required very little application to be considered pretty enough. We didn't have all of the fabulous make-up tutorials that we have now. So you at least got an 'A' for your effort to make your right eyelid look like the left one.
I'm pretty sure that 2004 was when I put on my very first tube of foundation. It was from Mary Kay Cosmetics. I had went to my first make-up party and I felt like I had graduated from teenie bopper teen to womanhood. All from a simple application of tinted liquid. I was putting a mask over my already glowing, youthful skin. I didn't see it that way at the time. It was only right. Everyone wears make-up, right?
I soon found myself purchasing whatever Cover Girl and any other brand had to offer. I usually avoided reading labels and finding out what any of those products did to the skin. I rarely ever let my skin breathe. I was so used to covering up that leaving the house without make-up felt like being naked. It was embedded in my brain that a face that revealed flaws was not pretty enough to be taken seriously. Whenever I had a spot or blemish, I covered it immediately. I wouldn't dare let anyone see me that way.
One thing that make-up was not good at covering up was low self-esteem. That was the only imperfection that concealer could do nothing with. With every new make-up application came a new picture being posted. With every new picture being posted came a new friend request. With every new friend request came attention that I had always longed for. I finally felt like I was good enough to be seen with someone. I began to feed off of the compliments of my eyes and, FINALLY, my lips. (I got teased for having big lips more than ANYTHING else.) And these were all from simple enhancements and highlights such as eye shadow and lipstick. I was attracting guys that liked only what they could see with their eyes.
But my insecurities wouldn't let me be myself. I was afraid to take off my make-up in front of a guy. Even when I had a boyfriend, I don't recall ever letting him see me in natural face mode. If he ever reads this, now he knows. Lol. I can laugh about it now. But there was a time that I envied the women that could go work out or swim make-up free and their skin was smooth, clean, and effortlessly glowing. I felt like I could never do that. Ever. I had too many dark spots or blemishes or whatever excuse to wear make-up that I had come up with. If I could get all of my time in the mirror back, I'd spent it on returning all of that make-up. Poowy.
Today, I came into work with no foundation on. Just some mascara and poorly drawn on eyeliner. No one said a word. No one ran away in tears. No one pointed to my skin in disgust. I was treated and complimented as if I had on a full face of make-up. Every guy that came in smiled at me as I greeted them upon arrival to my office. It was a regular day. Only this time, I let my skin breathe.
Years of trying different products on my skin may have caused some wear and tear, but my recent decision to lay off of it a bit has me feeling pretty optimistic about the results. The thought of "Man, I wonder if I had done this sooner." has crossed my mind, but I just knocked it down with confidence. I've realize that my cover ups were more so for other people, not me. And as far as I'm concerned, if someone sees something they don't like, they are free to turn their heads. It's just that simple.
I'm not knocking make-up or any other beauty highlighters, at all. I was told to always look your best! I love to wear make-up, jewelry, dress, anything that adds to the wonders of being a woman. Just check any of my social media pages. I love to get dolled up, honey. Don't ever get it twisted. ;-) But using any of those things to cover up something that is deep rooted is not going to hide it for very long. Trust me. Ask yourself what and why when purchasing anything and don't beat yourself up about the answer. It's a process going from self-conscious to confident. Cut yourself some slack. I'm still a work in progress, but I'm determined to be better everyday. I encourage you to do the same.
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